Poptism

inspiring fathers at every stage of life

Poptism - inspiring fathers at every stage of life

No Moms Allowed

No Moms allowed

No Moms allowed

Not literally, but sometimes – No Moms Allowed – is a great rule so a father can have time to connect and enjoy fatherhood.

This weekend was my first venture into “No Moms Allowed” land. However, it was not really planned as a reason for me to be with the boys alone, it was planned as a break for my spouse.

For the past 2 years, my wife has been a F/T mom, on call 24/7 and a F/T wife to a pain in the butt husband – yours truly.

So an opportunity came up for her to visit her best friend for a weekend – in Canada. So I was all like, “sure babe, go, have fun, you deserve a break” – that was about two months ago.

Ominously, the date was approaching, and all of a sudden the reality of the situation started to crystalize:

Photo credit By: Kai Hendry flickr

Me.

Alone.

With my 2 yr old and 13 month old.

WHAT AM I CRAZY?… calm down…take a breath… you can do this.

I realized in that moment that I have never really been alone with my two munchkins for more than an afternoon out. Maybe a morning, or “watching” them as they slept. In various ways, I have spent an entire day with them, but never without my spouse returning at some point in the day. This was the real deal.

In the end, what I was fearing the most in this weekend alone was failing. After spending some time praying, I mentally prepared for this weekends challenge.

The key to success would be actively loving my children, more than myself. Unselfishness.

Tomorrow my wife returns, and I have to say that these little two and a half days of just me and them have been awesome.  Playing with them, drawing with them, going for walks, to the park, stores and making playdates with other dads – has been awesome.

I know I can’t do this everyday because I have a job and a family to support. However, after experiencing this I have way more confidence telling my wife that I want to have a “No Moms Allowed Weekend” with the boys.

All my fears were unfounded. I can love, I can care about, think about and plan the day with my boys. The biggest thing was knowing that my plans, had to become their plans and whatever we did was for us all to enjoy. There was no time for “me” when I am with my boys – that was hard at first – but worth every second afterwards.

Ultimately, any hiccup that came along was met with love. Love was the key ingredient to making this an awesome weekend. In closing however, I would be remiss to not point out that my wife, and any spouse that stays home with the kids, has an amazing heart, and an amazing workload. I applaud the stay at home dads and moms that give and give everyday, then give to their spouse upon their return home from their “work”.

This weekend has left a few impressions on my heart that I will be sharing in the future, but ultimately, I want to do it again for so many reasons. If you haven’t been alone with your child(ren) take a sign out and give your spouse a break – you can do it and YOU will love it as much as your kids will.

Best,

PC

  • Little Bird's Dad says:

    Awesome post…I am printing this one out so I remember to apply your lessons next time I’m left alone with the kiddos.

    LBD

    July 23, 2013 at 7:59 am
  • modernfatheronline says:

    My wife wasn’t coping due to our first son not sleeping through the night for the first 3.5 years of his life. Sure I got up to him as well even though I work full time, but somehow I just toughened it out.

    Sleep deprivation can play tricks on your mind and as a result we weren’t seeing eye to eye and life under our roof was hard on our relationship. So I took a few days off from work and sent her to stay with a friend who lived beachside.

    I did this a few times. Sometimes for just the night which allowed her to spend the afternoon before and morning after at her friend’s place, and sometimes for a couple of nights.

    Now at best, , her friend’s house was only 45 minutes to an hour away but that’s not the point. What this did however is allow her the time to catch up with sleep, catch up with a friend, and catch up with life.

    It also gave HER the confidence to step out alone and leave ME to be in charge. That’s a hard thing for a new mother to do. She was able to go away for two nights on a hen’s night/weekend where a bunch of her school friends hired a houseboat and sailed up a river. She could do this without freaking out that “her” baby was in trouble.

    And I loved the extra one on one bonding time with my little boy.

    Now we have two boys under the age of five. They spend every Saturday with just me as my wife works that day. There have been times where we’ve been invited to things that are two hours away from home and even almost four hours from home. I bundle the boys in the car and take them, just me and them. My wife gets to work on that Saturday, do whatever she wants that night and then sleep in as long as she wants in the comfort of her own bed on Sunday.

    And come September, she’s heading off with a friend overseas to stay with another friend who has moved over to Singapore. It’s actually the same friend who lived beachside all those years ago when I was sending my wife away to have some personal time away from being a mum.

    I sometimes travel for work and can spend a week away. And I know she’ll cope now because she knows that, given the opportunity for me to step up, I would do the same.

    July 23, 2013 at 12:13 pm
    • dadcapades says:

      This is quality stuff. I would love to have a day every week with the kids to myself. I love my wife and we parent well together, but there is some weird sense of freedom when its just me and the kids.

      I think you guys have inspired me to ship my wife off to her sister’s for the weekend when the baby is eating solids. Three against 1, bring it on!

      July 31, 2013 at 5:13 am
  • Pierre

    Pierre says:

    Thanks for the comments guys I appreciate it – sorry for them taking long to go live, I didn’t notice them ending up in my approval queue.

    July 25, 2013 at 8:37 am

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